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i'll be there in like 10 min
[She doesn't bother to drag out the conversation, because this is shit she's unwilling to put to text. Between the vague whispers she's heard through Declan's contacts and the last time she saw Hennessey, she wants to know what the hell happened. Last she heard, they were waking up the ley line and then the next day everything fucking falls asleep.]
Ronan. [She knocks on the door.] Open the hell up.
[The intonation of the words is more Hennessey than Jordan.]
[She doesn't bother to drag out the conversation, because this is shit she's unwilling to put to text. Between the vague whispers she's heard through Declan's contacts and the last time she saw Hennessey, she wants to know what the hell happened. Last she heard, they were waking up the ley line and then the next day everything fucking falls asleep.]
Ronan. [She knocks on the door.] Open the hell up.
[The intonation of the words is more Hennessey than Jordan.]
[Kavinsky started to text back, then looked up when he realized Ronan was right there. He looked down at his phone, then back up, then repeated the process. Finally, he stretched his arm over the side of the tub to put his phone down on the floor and pick up the bottle of beer next to it, taking a swig.]
You might be onto something. But the bed's only warmer if you're there.
[Nonetheless, he sat up, leaning over to pull up the drain stopper before heaving himself out of the tub. Narrowly avoiding stepping on his phone or kicking over the beer, he reached for a towel he'd set on the counter to start drying off.]
You might be onto something. But the bed's only warmer if you're there.
[Nonetheless, he sat up, leaning over to pull up the drain stopper before heaving himself out of the tub. Narrowly avoiding stepping on his phone or kicking over the beer, he reached for a towel he'd set on the counter to start drying off.]
[In a different situation he might be annoyed by the approach. But for one, under the circumstances he more or less understands it. And there's something about the tone, about the words that seems a little bit more Hennessy than Jordan, and Ronan still has complicated feelings about Jordan's Dreamer, even after everything that had happened.
So there's no argument, and he doesn't protest as he opens the door with a vague gesture of invitation into the house that he shares with Kavinsky.]
Hey.
[He doesn't say anything else until she's inside, until they at least have some sort of privacy to work through the mess of what happened. He still doesn't apologize for not telling her earlier- but truth is that he really isn't. He meant what he said to K, about not wanting to put it on her shoulders. He doesn't think it would have made things any better.]
Do you wanna ask, or should I just start with what I think you wanna know?
So there's no argument, and he doesn't protest as he opens the door with a vague gesture of invitation into the house that he shares with Kavinsky.]
Hey.
[He doesn't say anything else until she's inside, until they at least have some sort of privacy to work through the mess of what happened. He still doesn't apologize for not telling her earlier- but truth is that he really isn't. He meant what he said to K, about not wanting to put it on her shoulders. He doesn't think it would have made things any better.]
Do you wanna ask, or should I just start with what I think you wanna know?
I'm gonna be there with you, promise.
[He smiles a little lopsidedly, and refrains from pointing out that Kavinsky is the one with the fire gem, the one that's always all fire and heat. He shoves his phone in his back pocket, holds a hand out to his boyfriend as he watches him. Ronan can't help the way that his blue eyes skim the lines of his body, and typically that might have been tinged with heat or desire, but right now it's just affection. Just comfort, even if he isn't entirely sure which of them it's for.
So he's just watching him with his glacier blue eyes instead of his fingertips. Kavinsky's always gorgeous, and the brief sheen of water on his skin doesn't hurt. It's a weird night for Ronan too, this close to twenty.]
We can still play your game, if you want to.
[He sort of wants to tell him they should start planning a New Years party like he would have back home, but he knows that's not really the problem. But Ronan does miss the warehouse fires and the substance parties, even if he doesn't quite know how to say that. Maybe they can figure it out later.]
[He smiles a little lopsidedly, and refrains from pointing out that Kavinsky is the one with the fire gem, the one that's always all fire and heat. He shoves his phone in his back pocket, holds a hand out to his boyfriend as he watches him. Ronan can't help the way that his blue eyes skim the lines of his body, and typically that might have been tinged with heat or desire, but right now it's just affection. Just comfort, even if he isn't entirely sure which of them it's for.
So he's just watching him with his glacier blue eyes instead of his fingertips. Kavinsky's always gorgeous, and the brief sheen of water on his skin doesn't hurt. It's a weird night for Ronan too, this close to twenty.]
We can still play your game, if you want to.
[He sort of wants to tell him they should start planning a New Years party like he would have back home, but he knows that's not really the problem. But Ronan does miss the warehouse fires and the substance parties, even if he doesn't quite know how to say that. Maybe they can figure it out later.]
[Alright. That was fine. Not texting back at least gave Kavinsky an inkling that Ronan was genuinely upset. He just...wasn't entirely sure how they'd gotten into this position. He knew it was his fault, probably, but-
When he finally got home, he wrangled his way around the dog, tossed his sunglasses on the counter, and went to find Ronan.]
Alright. What's the damage?
When he finally got home, he wrangled his way around the dog, tossed his sunglasses on the counter, and went to find Ronan.]
Alright. What's the damage?
What the fuck did she do?
[Operative word: she. The words are angrier than Jordan's ever sounded, the closest she's ever sounded to the way Hennessey says everything like it personally offends her. What Jordan knows is this: one of the last things Hennessey said to her was I wish you were dead and then, not too long after, all the dreams except for her went to sleep.
She would have gone to sleep too, if not for the sweetmetal. Jordan didn't have Hennessey's memories—not all of them, anyway, not the most important ones—and her sister wanted everything to crash and burn. Hennessey wanted tweaker investment bankers to crash their expensive cars and die. Jordan? Jordan just wanted a social security number.]
She... I would have gone to sleep too. Everyone else did.
[The anger's burned out of her, leaving only her wavering voice trying to make sense of something she doesn't think Ronan would understand.]
[Operative word: she. The words are angrier than Jordan's ever sounded, the closest she's ever sounded to the way Hennessey says everything like it personally offends her. What Jordan knows is this: one of the last things Hennessey said to her was I wish you were dead and then, not too long after, all the dreams except for her went to sleep.
She would have gone to sleep too, if not for the sweetmetal. Jordan didn't have Hennessey's memories—not all of them, anyway, not the most important ones—and her sister wanted everything to crash and burn. Hennessey wanted tweaker investment bankers to crash their expensive cars and die. Jordan? Jordan just wanted a social security number.]
She... I would have gone to sleep too. Everyone else did.
[The anger's burned out of her, leaving only her wavering voice trying to make sense of something she doesn't think Ronan would understand.]
Good
[Sure, Kavinsky might have been a Ruby, but beds were always colder when they lacked someone you loved.
He eyed Ronan's hand, but didn't reach out to him until he was dried off and had draped the towel over the shower curtain rod. He didn't have any clothes in the bathroom to change into, but he'd get a pair of boxers once they were in the bedroom. He had no modesty, no shame, but it wasn't like Ronan hadn't seen him naked before.
Leaving his phone on the floor, he snagged his beer and then took Ronan's hand.]
Yeah. That'd be good.
[It wasn't really a game, but framing it as such made it feel less serious than 'I want to know more about you', less pressure. Kavinsky didn't just want to be Ronan's boyfriend; he wanted to be his friend. He wanted to know things, to be able to share more than just dog jokes and collars.]
[Sure, Kavinsky might have been a Ruby, but beds were always colder when they lacked someone you loved.
He eyed Ronan's hand, but didn't reach out to him until he was dried off and had draped the towel over the shower curtain rod. He didn't have any clothes in the bathroom to change into, but he'd get a pair of boxers once they were in the bedroom. He had no modesty, no shame, but it wasn't like Ronan hadn't seen him naked before.
Leaving his phone on the floor, he snagged his beer and then took Ronan's hand.]
Yeah. That'd be good.
[It wasn't really a game, but framing it as such made it feel less serious than 'I want to know more about you', less pressure. Kavinsky didn't just want to be Ronan's boyfriend; he wanted to be his friend. He wanted to know things, to be able to share more than just dog jokes and collars.]
I don't fucking know.
[It comes out almost as a growl on his lips, but the truth is that it's not really aimed at Kavinsky anyway. It's just Ronan and his emotions, it's being pushed so that his hands shake, so that there's something a little bit desperate and unsteady in his eyes as he looks at the other boy. He's wound up and in his head and he doesn't really know how to unravel it.
Part of him wants to just fold himself into the other boys' arms, if he's honest, but there's too much tension for that. Too much ego and too many sharp edges. Sex and kink are still difficult things for him sometimes. He does want it, almost desperately most of the time, shaking with what Kavinsky offers. But sometimes things tip sideways toward embarrassment or even shame, and then Ronan's a knot of temper.
Just like this.]
[It comes out almost as a growl on his lips, but the truth is that it's not really aimed at Kavinsky anyway. It's just Ronan and his emotions, it's being pushed so that his hands shake, so that there's something a little bit desperate and unsteady in his eyes as he looks at the other boy. He's wound up and in his head and he doesn't really know how to unravel it.
Part of him wants to just fold himself into the other boys' arms, if he's honest, but there's too much tension for that. Too much ego and too many sharp edges. Sex and kink are still difficult things for him sometimes. He does want it, almost desperately most of the time, shaking with what Kavinsky offers. But sometimes things tip sideways toward embarrassment or even shame, and then Ronan's a knot of temper.
Just like this.]
The short answer is, she got it in her head that if she took down the ley line then she couldn't bring out the Lace. She wasn't wrong, but that's not really the fucking point.
[His tone is complicated, softer than Jordan's despite the profanity, but he understands why she's angry. He doesn't know the specifics of how their last meeting together had gone, but he'd heard about the car wreck. He got it in a fucked up sort of way- needing to be selfish, so you act like a piece of shit to the people you care about, hoping they wont make you feel worse about it.]
She tried turning herself in to the Moderators before she did it. I think-- I don't fucking know what I think. But I'm not sure she intended to walk away from it.
[I'm not sure she intended for either of you to walk away from it is the part that he doesn't say out-loud, even if they both know that it's there on the hush of the air. It makes Ronan a little bit jittery, makes his hands flex like he can't hold onto the things in front of him.]
But she did. I couldn't talk her down no matter how I fucking begged, and I couldn't even beat her in a dream. She told me I couldn't because I wasn't thinking like a forger. That's what I was asking when I first got back. Because I still don't know how to fix this and I have to. All I have is Bryde and a handful of shitty ideas.
[His tone is complicated, softer than Jordan's despite the profanity, but he understands why she's angry. He doesn't know the specifics of how their last meeting together had gone, but he'd heard about the car wreck. He got it in a fucked up sort of way- needing to be selfish, so you act like a piece of shit to the people you care about, hoping they wont make you feel worse about it.]
She tried turning herself in to the Moderators before she did it. I think-- I don't fucking know what I think. But I'm not sure she intended to walk away from it.
[I'm not sure she intended for either of you to walk away from it is the part that he doesn't say out-loud, even if they both know that it's there on the hush of the air. It makes Ronan a little bit jittery, makes his hands flex like he can't hold onto the things in front of him.]
But she did. I couldn't talk her down no matter how I fucking begged, and I couldn't even beat her in a dream. She told me I couldn't because I wasn't thinking like a forger. That's what I was asking when I first got back. Because I still don't know how to fix this and I have to. All I have is Bryde and a handful of shitty ideas.
[Well, that wasn't very helpful. Kavinsky almost said as much, but he refrained--barely. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, then crossed his arms. He hardly knew where to start. Did he apologize? But for what?]
So what can I do?
[No one else was going to fix this mess; it was on his shoulders. Which he wasn't exactly upset about. He was more upset they were in this situation in the first place.]
I didn't realize you were so sensitive.
So what can I do?
[No one else was going to fix this mess; it was on his shoulders. Which he wasn't exactly upset about. He was more upset they were in this situation in the first place.]
I didn't realize you were so sensitive.
[Hennessey didn't intend to walk away from it. That much Jordan knows with the bone-deep certainty of being a near-perfect copy of her. Jordan screws her eyes shut and takes a shaky breath, trying to keep the most complicated emotions about everything she's learned to herself. All she can hear is Hennessey saying I'm so fucking tired of you on loop.]
You're so fucking stupid.
[Jordan doesn't mean to say it, but she thinks it's true all the same. She laughs, but it's a little hysterical. Twice. She did part of what Ronan and Hennessey were trying to twice and all it took was fucking around on a canvas. The rest of it? For people who could literally do the impossible, Jordan thought that dreamers thought so fucking small.]
Ask me. Ask me why I'm still awake, Ronan, because the answer isn't manna and it isn't Hennessey.
You're so fucking stupid.
[Jordan doesn't mean to say it, but she thinks it's true all the same. She laughs, but it's a little hysterical. Twice. She did part of what Ronan and Hennessey were trying to twice and all it took was fucking around on a canvas. The rest of it? For people who could literally do the impossible, Jordan thought that dreamers thought so fucking small.]
Ask me. Ask me why I'm still awake, Ronan, because the answer isn't manna and it isn't Hennessey.
Whatever. You're dating someone who thinks working with the Moderators is a great idea, so no one looks too fucking bright right now.
[Using that against her might be petty, but talking about this shit was uncomfortable. It just reminded Ronan of the feeling of having everyone turn on him. What it was like to lose everyone, to be alone.
What he wants and what everyone else does still feel like different things. Like Bryde was one of the only ones that understood what he was chasing, but Ronan supposes he probably dreamt him to. All he'd needed was for Adam and Declan to believe in him for once -- no wonder siding with the Moderators had been easier. He's always the car crash, even now.
At least here he has Kavinsky, though. The only other person that understands how fucked everything is, understands being willing to watch it all burn. But he still hasn't figured out how to bring him back, how to change things, to make it work. Jordan wants a life, but that's all small tricks; bank accounts and social security numbers and medical exams. Ronan hasn't really paused to care about the sweetmetals, because they're too fucking small for what he's chasing. It's not good enough for him, because it wont change the world.]
C'mon. You wanna brag about having a sweetmetal go for it, but you don't need me to set the stage.
[Using that against her might be petty, but talking about this shit was uncomfortable. It just reminded Ronan of the feeling of having everyone turn on him. What it was like to lose everyone, to be alone.
What he wants and what everyone else does still feel like different things. Like Bryde was one of the only ones that understood what he was chasing, but Ronan supposes he probably dreamt him to. All he'd needed was for Adam and Declan to believe in him for once -- no wonder siding with the Moderators had been easier. He's always the car crash, even now.
At least here he has Kavinsky, though. The only other person that understands how fucked everything is, understands being willing to watch it all burn. But he still hasn't figured out how to bring him back, how to change things, to make it work. Jordan wants a life, but that's all small tricks; bank accounts and social security numbers and medical exams. Ronan hasn't really paused to care about the sweetmetals, because they're too fucking small for what he's chasing. It's not good enough for him, because it wont change the world.]
C'mon. You wanna brag about having a sweetmetal go for it, but you don't need me to set the stage.
You really think I just stopped at getting a sweetmetal, because that's where you would stop. Crumbs.
[Jordan laughs. Of course Hennessey would look at this fucking cocksure white boy and eventually realize that he's full of shit. In a way, that makes Jordan feel better about Hennessey's seeming lack of care. Maybe it wasn't about her. Maybe it was about Ronan.
She remembers the first time the Moderators called Declan, asked if he'd heard from Ronan—or at least the first time it happened and Jordan was with him. Declan turned them down and said he had a lawyer on retainer. The person on the other end hung up. For a while, it had even seemed like Declan was... proud? Approved, at least, of what Ronan was doing. It seemed harmless enough, but then everything started waking up and he'd gotten more concerned. At the time, Jordan thought it was just the sheer audacity of what Ronan was doing that concerned Declan. As far as Declan was concerned, Dreamers were something to stay hidden. To stay quiet.
Now, she's wondering if Declan realized what she just did: there was no plan to what Ronan was doing. It was like a bad forgery when she finally stepped in close to look at it: haphazard techniques, sloppy brushwork, mismatched materials. Ronan's thinking about the end result, the thing he wants. Knowing the end result isn't enough in forgery. It doesn't matter if a forger can paint something that looks like something else if they don't understand how to do it.]
You think like a copyist, you know? You paint the Mona Lisa with shitty student acrylics and think it's enough that it looks the same.
[Jordan laughs. Of course Hennessey would look at this fucking cocksure white boy and eventually realize that he's full of shit. In a way, that makes Jordan feel better about Hennessey's seeming lack of care. Maybe it wasn't about her. Maybe it was about Ronan.
She remembers the first time the Moderators called Declan, asked if he'd heard from Ronan—or at least the first time it happened and Jordan was with him. Declan turned them down and said he had a lawyer on retainer. The person on the other end hung up. For a while, it had even seemed like Declan was... proud? Approved, at least, of what Ronan was doing. It seemed harmless enough, but then everything started waking up and he'd gotten more concerned. At the time, Jordan thought it was just the sheer audacity of what Ronan was doing that concerned Declan. As far as Declan was concerned, Dreamers were something to stay hidden. To stay quiet.
Now, she's wondering if Declan realized what she just did: there was no plan to what Ronan was doing. It was like a bad forgery when she finally stepped in close to look at it: haphazard techniques, sloppy brushwork, mismatched materials. Ronan's thinking about the end result, the thing he wants. Knowing the end result isn't enough in forgery. It doesn't matter if a forger can paint something that looks like something else if they don't understand how to do it.]
You think like a copyist, you know? You paint the Mona Lisa with shitty student acrylics and think it's enough that it looks the same.
No, I wouldn't bother with them in the first place, because they don't fucking matter. But if pretending you have the answers makes you feel better about Hennessy not giving a shit about you, knock yourself out.
[Ronan almost rolls his eyes but instead settles for shrugging his shoulders in casual disregard. In spite of himself, his tone has a definite edge of 'person talking to a particularly slow five-year-old', but he is trying to be patient. It's far from something he's good at though, and it feels like there's still venom in his mouth, even if he's trying to not push. He hadn't wanted this for her- it was a shitty thing to have to deal with, and he did feel bad for her.
He doesn't want to make this a stupid fight -- although in honesty, Ronan is mostly only keeping his temper because he thinks Jordan sounds like an idiot rather than insulting. None of it is really hurtful, because it's all so off-center. It just makes it obvious that Hennessy never used the phone he dreamt her; he'd assumed that she would have called her, talked to Jordan ...
But he hadn't called Adam either, had he?]
Look, if the only reason you're here is for this asshole shit, I can get that from Kavinsky for free and he makes it sound better.
[Ronan almost rolls his eyes but instead settles for shrugging his shoulders in casual disregard. In spite of himself, his tone has a definite edge of 'person talking to a particularly slow five-year-old', but he is trying to be patient. It's far from something he's good at though, and it feels like there's still venom in his mouth, even if he's trying to not push. He hadn't wanted this for her- it was a shitty thing to have to deal with, and he did feel bad for her.
He doesn't want to make this a stupid fight -- although in honesty, Ronan is mostly only keeping his temper because he thinks Jordan sounds like an idiot rather than insulting. None of it is really hurtful, because it's all so off-center. It just makes it obvious that Hennessy never used the phone he dreamt her; he'd assumed that she would have called her, talked to Jordan ...
But he hadn't called Adam either, had he?]
Look, if the only reason you're here is for this asshole shit, I can get that from Kavinsky for free and he makes it sound better.
Edited 2021-11-02 08:08 (UTC)
[Ronan knew it wasn't particularly helpful, but he's still sharp edges for those first moments. So it actually helps that Kavinsky doesn't immediately call him on his bullshit, even if it would be warranted. He paces a little, then stills and sighs when the other boy asks what can I do?. He's clearly trying, to the point that Ronan feels worse about being so difficult.
He doesn't apologize, but there's something a little bit softer, or at least more willing to make an attempt at talking his way through this as he looks over at him. He finally meets his eyes, breathes- Ronan's still edgy, but it's less running on impulse, at least.]
You make that sound like it's a bad thing.
[The words come out tinged in a way that's clearly defensive, tense with the way that K calls him sensitive. He doesn't exactly protest, but his body language betrays that he wants to. There's a vulnerability to it; almost as much in how Ronan comes apart.]
He doesn't apologize, but there's something a little bit softer, or at least more willing to make an attempt at talking his way through this as he looks over at him. He finally meets his eyes, breathes- Ronan's still edgy, but it's less running on impulse, at least.]
You make that sound like it's a bad thing.
[The words come out tinged in a way that's clearly defensive, tense with the way that K calls him sensitive. He doesn't exactly protest, but his body language betrays that he wants to. There's a vulnerability to it; almost as much in how Ronan comes apart.]
Only sometimes, man.
[He wasn't going to dance around the subject. Ronan was sensitive, sometimes in a good way, sometimes bad.]
Just tell me if I fucked up, okay? If I'm being too weird for you, let me know.
[He'd try to reign it in. But how else was he supposed to know what was too weird for Ronan if they didn't talk about things? He was used to his boys and sometimes they were freaks--but so was Kavinsky. Anyone else, he might have just sprung something kinky on them, but with Ronan...he was maybe a little worried about fucking shit up and losing him. He didn't know how badly he'd have to fuck up to reach that point, but he didn't want to find out.]
[He wasn't going to dance around the subject. Ronan was sensitive, sometimes in a good way, sometimes bad.]
Just tell me if I fucked up, okay? If I'm being too weird for you, let me know.
[He'd try to reign it in. But how else was he supposed to know what was too weird for Ronan if they didn't talk about things? He was used to his boys and sometimes they were freaks--but so was Kavinsky. Anyone else, he might have just sprung something kinky on them, but with Ronan...he was maybe a little worried about fucking shit up and losing him. He didn't know how badly he'd have to fuck up to reach that point, but he didn't want to find out.]
You didn't fuck up. You're not too weird, it was just--
[His words cut off for a moment, because talking about this shit is difficult for him, even if it's easier with Kavinsky than it would be with anyone else. But he knows that this matters, and he doesn't want him to think he was doing something wrong by asking. So he drags a hand against his scalp, trying to figure out how to put it into words, how to explain.]
I was into it. I like- the idea of you showing me things, I guess. It's sort of hot? But then you backed off, like it was- I dunno. Like you'd been asking out of academic fucking interest, and I made it weird because I wasn't supposed to say yes or some shit.
[He shrugs his shoulders and looks off to the side; he hadn't been upset, he'd been embarrassed. Because K wasn't wrong about Ronan being sensitive, not really. But he doesn't know how to explain it any better, how to put the rest of it into words. Sex and kink weren't always easy for him- but sometimes they're the only thing that is. Sometimes K's hands on him and his collar against his skin are the only way he gets out of his head.]
[His words cut off for a moment, because talking about this shit is difficult for him, even if it's easier with Kavinsky than it would be with anyone else. But he knows that this matters, and he doesn't want him to think he was doing something wrong by asking. So he drags a hand against his scalp, trying to figure out how to put it into words, how to explain.]
I was into it. I like- the idea of you showing me things, I guess. It's sort of hot? But then you backed off, like it was- I dunno. Like you'd been asking out of academic fucking interest, and I made it weird because I wasn't supposed to say yes or some shit.
[He shrugs his shoulders and looks off to the side; he hadn't been upset, he'd been embarrassed. Because K wasn't wrong about Ronan being sensitive, not really. But he doesn't know how to explain it any better, how to put the rest of it into words. Sex and kink weren't always easy for him- but sometimes they're the only thing that is. Sometimes K's hands on him and his collar against his skin are the only way he gets out of his head.]
[That kind of sounded like he'd fucked up. Just not in the way he'd been thinking. It sort of had been out of academic interest, if he was being honest, and then Ronan had said yes and things had snowballed from there.]
Are you going to punch me if I say it started out that way? I figured you were going to say you weren't interested, then you said yes, then I thought I'd made you uncomfortable.
[It really said something about how much he cared about Ronan that he genuinely worried about making him uncomfortable. He usually couldn't care less and sometimes even purposely made people uncomfortable.]
It wasn't a joke, I was-
[He made a vague gesture, at a loss for words. He hadn't meant to make Ronan feel like he'd done something wrong or like he'd made it weird.]
Are you going to punch me if I say it started out that way? I figured you were going to say you weren't interested, then you said yes, then I thought I'd made you uncomfortable.
[It really said something about how much he cared about Ronan that he genuinely worried about making him uncomfortable. He usually couldn't care less and sometimes even purposely made people uncomfortable.]
It wasn't a joke, I was-
[He made a vague gesture, at a loss for words. He hadn't meant to make Ronan feel like he'd done something wrong or like he'd made it weird.]
Fuck I'm not gonna punch you, K. I just.. I dunno, man.
[He exhales, shifts almost awkwardly as he looks at the other boy, trying to figure out what to say, how to explain, or what would make it better. But before he can get too in his head about it, he moves in closer, curls a hand against Kavinsky's hip and tilts his face into his shoulder. He needs the contact, needs something tactile before he trips into a spiral about it.]
If it's you I'll try just about anything. If that's what you were wondering.
[His tone is a little bit wounded still, but he's at least not pulling away. Even if it's half from sheer force of will.]
[He exhales, shifts almost awkwardly as he looks at the other boy, trying to figure out what to say, how to explain, or what would make it better. But before he can get too in his head about it, he moves in closer, curls a hand against Kavinsky's hip and tilts his face into his shoulder. He needs the contact, needs something tactile before he trips into a spiral about it.]
If it's you I'll try just about anything. If that's what you were wondering.
[His tone is a little bit wounded still, but he's at least not pulling away. Even if it's half from sheer force of will.]
[He might have felt better if Ronan had punched him. At least that would have been productive violence--he assumed, anyway. But this...this was good, too. Ronan wasn't pulling away, even though Kavinsky could tell that he wanted to.
It pained him to apologize, but-]
Sorry I made a mess of things.
[He exhaled, pressing his mouth to the side of Ronan's head.]
Okay. If I didn't make this too awkward, I'm still down for giving it a go.
It pained him to apologize, but-]
Sorry I made a mess of things.
[He exhaled, pressing his mouth to the side of Ronan's head.]
Okay. If I didn't make this too awkward, I'm still down for giving it a go.
It's alright. I mean, it's just- figuring this shit out, right?
[He does appreciate the fact that Kavinsky actually apologizes, because he knows that it can't be easy for him. Just like resisting the urge to either punch him or walk away isn't easy for Ronan. But the way that he presses his mouth to his temple helps. It helps a lot, if he's honest.
Almost makes his lips quirk into something almost like a smile. And then he laughs, because of course--]
Fuck, alright. We can try it.
[He does appreciate the fact that Kavinsky actually apologizes, because he knows that it can't be easy for him. Just like resisting the urge to either punch him or walk away isn't easy for Ronan. But the way that he presses his mouth to his temple helps. It helps a lot, if he's honest.
Almost makes his lips quirk into something almost like a smile. And then he laughs, because of course--]
Fuck, alright. We can try it.
[Life was all trial and error, in Kavinsky's opinion. You kept trying until you got shit right, and along the way, you fucked up a lot. Kavinsky'd done a lot of fucking up but it never stopped him from trying. And working together, the give and take and discussions and compromise--it meant (he hoped) that they were going to last.
Relieved when Ronan laughed, he laughed, too, grinning wickedly.]
You didn't think I was going to just ditch this idea, did you?
[He was glad Ronan was willing to humor him. Sure, the idea of trying some things was a little scary, but he'd never do anything that might legitimately hurt Ronan. Or if he did, he'd at least adequately talk about it first. This? This wouldn't legitimately hurt.]
Relieved when Ronan laughed, he laughed, too, grinning wickedly.]
You didn't think I was going to just ditch this idea, did you?
[He was glad Ronan was willing to humor him. Sure, the idea of trying some things was a little scary, but he'd never do anything that might legitimately hurt Ronan. Or if he did, he'd at least adequately talk about it first. This? This wouldn't legitimately hurt.]
Nah, I know better than that.
[He knows that relationships take work, and that of all people that Ronan is not the easiest person to be in a relationship with. But there's a warmth that flushes his skin when Kavinsky grins like that, and he hums softly, bumps his forehead into the other boy's bony shoulder.]
So-- how do we do this?
[His tone is just a little bit apprehensive, but not in a way that says he doesn't want to do it. Just- a little bit tense, that hint of nerves as he looks at Kavinsky with something that's probably trust. Shifting against him so that he can press a kiss to the hollow to his throat with just a hint of teeth.]
[He knows that relationships take work, and that of all people that Ronan is not the easiest person to be in a relationship with. But there's a warmth that flushes his skin when Kavinsky grins like that, and he hums softly, bumps his forehead into the other boy's bony shoulder.]
So-- how do we do this?
[His tone is just a little bit apprehensive, but not in a way that says he doesn't want to do it. Just- a little bit tense, that hint of nerves as he looks at Kavinsky with something that's probably trust. Shifting against him so that he can press a kiss to the hollow to his throat with just a hint of teeth.]
Good.
[It took all of his willpower not to tack 'boy' onto the end of that. It wouldn't have been entirely because of his trend of dog jokes with Ronan, but because of his trend of dog jokes with people in general. He did it to his boys, too, especially Skov.]
Well.
[He rubbed his hands up and down Ronan's arms, tilting his head back a little with a shiver.]
With a lot of prep and a lot of lube. [He wiggled his fingers dramatically, because they were going to be the prep.] And if I hurt you at any point, you tell me and we'll stop.
[He wanted Ronan to only have positive experiences, sexually.]
[It took all of his willpower not to tack 'boy' onto the end of that. It wouldn't have been entirely because of his trend of dog jokes with Ronan, but because of his trend of dog jokes with people in general. He did it to his boys, too, especially Skov.]
Well.
[He rubbed his hands up and down Ronan's arms, tilting his head back a little with a shiver.]
With a lot of prep and a lot of lube. [He wiggled his fingers dramatically, because they were going to be the prep.] And if I hurt you at any point, you tell me and we'll stop.
[He wanted Ronan to only have positive experiences, sexually.]
[The dog jokes were something they'd probably have to talk about, if Kavinsky wanted to have any chance of using them with Ronan without having him get moody about it. But he murmurs softly as the other boy rubs his hands against his arms, and he lets his talk, but he climbs kisses up to the line of his jaw. And there's something about-- he doesn't quite know. Maybe it's just Kavinsky and how into it he seems now, with how he wiggles his fingers.
Maybe it's just that Ronan's always had a thing about boys and their hands. And with just what Kavinsky intends to do with his hands, there's a certain thrill to it for Ronan, too.
In another situation, maybe he'd have claimed that K wasn't going to break him, but well. He's not that much of an idiot, when he's never done this before, never had someone stretch him so much.]
Okay. Yeah that's- alright.
[He promptly kisses Kavinsky, before Ronan can get any more flustered about it.]
Maybe it's just that Ronan's always had a thing about boys and their hands. And with just what Kavinsky intends to do with his hands, there's a certain thrill to it for Ronan, too.
In another situation, maybe he'd have claimed that K wasn't going to break him, but well. He's not that much of an idiot, when he's never done this before, never had someone stretch him so much.]
Okay. Yeah that's- alright.
[He promptly kisses Kavinsky, before Ronan can get any more flustered about it.]
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