threesecrets | open rp post;

open rp post;

+ Leave me a starter, an idea, whatever you like!
+ As always consider this your cw: weird kinks are possible

+ I ship pretty much whatever, though Gansey and Adam are of course favorites. m/m only

+ Hit me up on PM or Discord (thatwasdumb#0150) if you want to plot something.

You were thinking of something after Kavinsky's substance party?

Sorry for getting back to this a bit late- yesterday was chaos- but yes!

My vague thought here is something after the whole "while I'm gone, dream me the world", and dragging it out and see where it goes. Gansey still sort of wound up, and Ronan sort of somewhere between feral and bittersweet about the whole thing and having feelings about Gansey leaving for DC. Both sort of restless and edgy after the whole thing with K and setting cars on fire. Either ending back up at Monmouth, or finding someplace to park for a bit that isn't K's parking lot.

But I'm open to other thoughts/ideas/so on. :)

I didn't want you to think I forgot about this. Work went crazy the past few days and I've been mentally exhausted when I got home. I didn't want to write weird rambly things that didn't make sense. LOL

I never have enough chances to write Gansey wound up. I've been trying to set something up for that since I started playing him. I will look over the books so I can be coherent.

Where are you in the books? There's a couple bits I could share but I don't want to give spoilers.

Oh, no worries at all! This week was sort of crazy for me too! So I totally know how that can be.

Wound up Gansey seems like such fun, and there's definitely not enough of it. So yes, excellent, this seems like a neat place to kick things off with them. :)

I just started Blue Lily! But I'm also totally cool with spoilers; I'm way too into fanfics and trolling tumblr for ship things to worry about it too much, lol. So I totally don't mind if you wanna share stuff!

The Dream Thieves is such a Ronan/Gansey book. I'm really sad that it got dropped in Blue Lily. I know Ronan's supposed to be with Adam, but the change seems so abrupt considering things like 'dream me the world' and Ronan's meltdown over the Pig. There are so many hints that they had a thing for each other.

If you're okay with spoilers, then you know what happens in the end of Raven King?

Do you want to do something after the party or after Ronan gives Gansey the dreamed Pig? The substance party happened earlier in the story than 'dream me the world'. (Although I love that line. Sure, that was platonic. Especially when Ronan then dreams Gansey the thing he loves most back to reality.)

God, it so is. And yeah, that's sort of my issue with how the ships seem to be working out. Just because it seems sort of like it hit a point of "oh I should make the endgame ships happen now". So yes, I mostly just wish it was less abrupt. I think there were ways to make those ships happen without how it seems to rely so heavily on narrative fiat.

It's not that I dislike Adam and Ronan in concept! But like. At the Barns, you have Adam who's all "I can't fight Ronan's demons for him" and Gansey who has both literally and metaphorically done that exact thing. Not doing something with that just feels sort of awkward.

And only vaguely! I know Gansey dies, I know Ronan does.. something? That connects him with Cabeswater?

Oh man, after he gives him the Pig could be good, too. Depends which of them you wanna play with being all wound up, really, because I think there's really interesting aspects to both.

Also as an aside, Maggie's intention was apparently for Ronan to very overtly connect himself to the Camaro in that scene. Which I think is interesting both from an angle where Ronan very much identifies himself with the thing Gansey loves most. And also the way that Gansey considers home "Henrietta, the Pig, Ronan". And also how much it feels like that factors into the trajectory where Ronan's able to accept himself at the end.

I just love the 'while I'm gone dream me the world' line a lot. I also find it interesting that Kavinsky makes a callback to that line when he takes Ronan back to the fairgrounds, because it very much makes it feel like Gansey and Kavinsky are set up almost as romantic foils.

But okay, okay, practical stuff and not just my musings: do we wanna maybe keep it with starting at the substance party? And then if we feel like it, we can always slide over to Ronan gifting him the Pig afterward. Because I do like both ideas. And Ronan's freakout that Gansey is leaving for three days is precious, heh.

I completely agree with the "oh I should make the endgame ships happen now" idea. I've never felt that any of the relationships were well developed. It's like she got mostly through the series and realized she had endgame relationships that had to be shoved in even if they hadn't been implied before. While reading Blue Lily I actually had to stop and think if I saw signs of Ronan and Adam before since Dream Thieves was so heavily Ronsey.

Gansey does die and Ronan does something. It's complicated. LOL

I don't dislike Adam and Ronan either but their relationship seems very forced. I agree about the 'not fighting Ronan's demons for him'. Adam's more 'be your own person' and 'fight your own battles'. I think that was supposed to be a contrast between them since Gansey is always fighting Ronan's demons. In a way, he's Ronan's white knight. There's a scene later that Adam compares Gansey to a knight. Probably to Adam this seems unhealthy. It probably is since Ronan and Gansey are very codependent. But I think it shows how deep their feelings are too. Which isn't something I really get from Adam and Ronan. They say they have deep feelings and we're told that through the narration, but Gansey and Ronan show us that through their actions. I won't give too many spoilers, but Gansey will fight Ronan's demons again. Which makes it more frustrating to me that they don't end up together.

I love Gansey and Ronan's relationship in relation to the Pig. When Ronan's with the Pig while Gansey's in DC... Thinking that if he touches the Pig, Gansey will feel it. Home being Ronan and the Pig. Ronan risking everything, including his life, to bring the Pig back. There was so much potential. Then it feels like Ronan completely forgot Gansey in Blue Lily. He has the Barns back so he doesn't need Gansey. (That's actually a concept I'm writing fic about.)

I really get the impression that Gansey and K are romantic foils. K shows Ronan how to dream the Pig, then Ronan leaves him to give the Pig back. It feels so much like a breakup. The whole scene when Ronan leaves with the Pig screams breakup. It seems like Ronan's leaving the 'other woman' to go back to his steady relationship. K is the scornful lover kidnapping Matthew to get back at Ronan for picking Gansey. I get the feeling that Gansey is probably jealous of the time Ronan spends with K. I think he worries K is going to get him in trouble or killed, but I could easily see him frustrated by the time Ronan spends out at night. (But never acknowledging that it's jealousy unless pushed.)

I love the musings. I rarely get to talk Ronsey in depth with people.

Let's start with the substance party. I skimmed over it last night and I can reread it later today.

Yeah, like. The Gansey/Blue stuff in Dream Thieves felt very.. weird.. to me. Like Raven Boys ends that relationship more or less on the note of Gansey outright ignoring the vision and physically pushing Blue out of the way to get to Adam to make sure he's okay. So when we get to stuff like "whatever sort of lamp it went to, Gansey looked like he wanted one" I'm just sort of like "really? since when? why?"

And the whole thing of Blue blaming Adam for not being invited to DC was very ??? to me since this never gets brought up with Gansey-- aka the literal person that invites Adam in the first place, and who was responsible for the trip. Which made their breakup feel sort of- contrived. Which is not to say that Adam didn't behave badly, but their fight seemed less about that and more this weird take that Adam was just treating her like someone he wanted to kiss. So it kind of comes across like "I need them to break up now" and less letting the characters driving the conflict.

One of the things I actually found frustrating about the "Maggie reads the Raven Cycle" tweets, is that for the ones I've gone through so far, she very clearly thinks she telegraphs Gansey/Blue better than it ever came across to me as a reader.

I could pick up on some very vague Adam and Ronan hints in Dream Thieves- but I think that only worked because I knew going in. Whereas the narrative doesn't really mention it at all. We get "Ronan's second secret was Adam Parrish ... It was hard not to stare at the odd and elegant lines of his face." Which does not really suggest interest from either of them at all.

TL;DR, I 100% didn't feel either of the endgame ships were set up well in Dream Thieves at all. It actually sort of irks me a bit. Because I feel like if Ronan did have those feelings, I wanted some hint to come up during his confrontation with Kavinsky in the forest.

"What's here K? Nothing" "Just us" "That's not enough" "Don't say Gansey and don't say you don't swing that way, I'm in your head", etc. Like the fact that Ronan's response there is about Kavinsky allegedly misinterpreting what Gansey is to him, and does not touch on the idea that he apparently has that romantic interest for Adam at all -- not even in the narration -- is Weird.

Personally, I feel like in TRB/TDT, Adam and Gansey both have some unhealthy tendencies toward Roman (and Ronan has some unhealthy tendencies toward both Gansey and K). But I think Gansey's is the one that seems to lean itself more toward an actual relationship.

Like, Adam is just so apathetic about Ronan. And it really seems to come from a place where his inability to accept help is put on other people. Gansey, on the other hand, seems to come from that he's spent the past several months thinking that Ronan had literally tried to kill himself, and that he needs to do everything he can to buy Ronan as much time as he possibly can to have as much of a chance as he can give him to get to the other side of that.

Like the scene in the church in Raven Boys where Gansey sort of compares the idea of losing Ronan to his own death when he was a child is just. It kills me.

It is admittedly not true in the way that Gansey originally thinks it happens, but Ronan also talks about being pretty ambivalent about his continued existence at one point, so I'm not sure I'd say he's entirely out of line, either. It really seems to be Chainsaw where Ronan finally starts to start getting his footing back. And that is very clearly an on-going process. So Gansey and Ronan have pretty good reasons for being as codependent as they are, imo.

And post-Dream Thieves, I could see them managing to work things out to a less intensely codependent degree. (Though, in fiction there are interesting themes in how intense that dynamic is, too.) The idea of Ronan no longer needing Gansey to the same degree, but still wanting him could have been really interesting territory to explore with them! Whereas with Adam... I feel like he has a lot more to work through to reach a similar point.

Admittedly what I've seen of Adam/Ronan is mostly from quotes / meta / etc. But there are definitely some lines that come across like Adam is in love with the feeling of being loved. Which, you know-- he's eighteen and has been through a lot of crap, and survived a life and childhood rather pointedly devoid of love, so I don't even necessarily feel like that would be an awful approach. But the rest of them seem very- yeah, the narrative declaring they have these really deep feelings without really supporting that. So I'm definitely tentative on it.

Oooh, that sounds like a really cool idea for a fic. And god, I loved that bit about thinking that Gansey could feel it when he touched the Pig. Just gosh, the way the Pig functions as this sort of central connection between the boys is so neat.

And yeah, it really feels like a breakup when Ronan leaves K when he has the Pig back. That bit where K says he doesn't have to go back to Monmouth, and Ronan says it's the most ludicrous thing he's said, so he doesn't acknowledge it. The way that Kavinsky is so focused on the idea of Ronan and Gansey having a sexual relationship, and how vicious about it he gets after Ronan leaves him. And also K's phonecall with Gansey when he's in DC, on Ronan's phone. Like he wanted Gansey to know that he has Ronan drunk, and the weird sending him a dick pic thing seems almost like an attempt to create this concept of, you know, sex. And Gansey cannot calm down and suddenly understands why Glendower might have murdered someone and shoved them in a tree. :>

And I'd have to check the wording, but I feel like Ronan and K's "this was never going to be you and me" parallels Adam's thoughts about how it wasn't going to be him and Blue, which I feel really drives in the breakup message. Oh and to go back to the idea of Ronan and K's last confrontation in the forest-- it's basically K saying "you could have me" and Ronan saying "that's not what I want". So yes, absolutely I get the same sort of vibe of 'the other woman' vs. 'the steady relationship'.

And I think there's a line when they're driving to the substance party and Ronan knows where to go, about how he doesn't tell Gansey why he knows the directions, and Gansey doesn't ask him. Which very much casts it as a Contentious Subject that they are Pointedly Not Talking About. And. I mean. In Raven Boys Gansey literally considers trying to give Ronan a curfew or quitting from the crew team so that he can spend more time with him on Fridays nights to keep him away from Kavinsky. Which-- yes, exactly. It's very much presented as being about Ronan being unsafe, but I do think you're right and it feels like it implies a certain sort of unstated jealousy, too.

But yes, excellent! I just reread it because it's such a fun scene. So I'm very jazzed. The whole Gansey-on-fire thing, and how into it Ronan is, it just makes for such a fascinating dynamic. And Kavinsky's attempts at being insulting, and how neither of them flinch about it, is definitely fascinating. So yes! Seeing what spins out from that I think has a whole lot of potential, heh. Especially for possible ship-leaning things. And such. ;)

I did not mean to have this many feelings about this series, but I was hooked from the first book. The characters and their relationships -- or even the potential of those relationships, maybe. It's just really fascinating. And I also like the plot, and the magic of the dreamers/Cabeswater/Adam as the Magician is all really cool.

Honestly, when I read the books, I never had the impression that Gansey was even interested in women. He might be attracted to personalities. People who challenge him and put him in his place. (Ronan, Adam, Blue) But overall he doesn’t think of them in the same terms as the boys in the book. He writes poetry in his head about Ronan and Adam. He has these beautiful descriptions of Adam. When he’s with Blue we get excuses of why he’s attracted, not these details that he cherishes about his Raven Boys. We get his attraction from Ronan, who is a terrible POV character for Gansey’s feelings for Blue. Especially when Ronan knows Gansey so well. That line about the lampshade isn’t really selling the idea that Gansey’s attracted. Interested, yes, but Gansey is interested in many different things and that doesn’t mean romantic interest. It’s the equivalent of writing sonnets about Ronan and Adam and saying ‘she’s got a nice face’ about Blue.

That fight felt very contrived. It never made sense. She was mad at Adam but not at Gansey. The fact that she didn’t even want to go made it feel even more forced. I think Adam wanted someone to want him. The fact that Blue wouldn’t kiss him upset him more than anything. I think it might have been part of his self doubt and his worries about being ‘white trash’ compared to the other boys. Adam did behave badly and they needed to break up, but the fact that Adam getting physically violent when angry was forgivable and not inviting her to an event hosted by Gansey’s parents isn’t is very strange. It also sends a bad message on many levels.

I really can’t read Maggie’s Twitter and other social media. It’s just a personal thing. My reasons really aren’t fandom approved so I will leave it at that. I get notifs that she updates and I skim what it’s about (like a new book or a discarded bit of the books) but I can’t follow her. I’m glad that others enjoy her posts.

I went to an event where Maggie was signing books. She said that she never plots her books, writing wherever the muse leads. She said basically she scrapped an entire novel’s worth of content from just Dream Thieves. She implied that she totally rewrote the book on one of the drafts. That makes me wonder if she shoved in the Adam bits because the books were to Ronsey.

Also, I followed someone on Tumblr that went to one of her workshops and she admitted she probably should have written endgame as Ronsey instead of Pynch.

The majority of the narration is Ronan/Gansey. K is constantly calling them out on it. Ronan’s thoughts about Gansey make it obvious that there’s attraction there and deeper feelings. K’s right in that bit. He’s in Ronan’s head. He knows what Ronan’s feeling. He knows that Ronan’s feelings for Gansey are more than Ronan’s willing to acknowledge. The fact that Ronan gets angry over Gansey showing ankle in the dollar store and being annoyed that Adam interrupted them by calling hints at a lot. I’m sure Maggie says it hints that he had a thing for Adam, but that doesn’t explain why a tousled, teenage boy Gansey makes Ronan so angry and frustrated.

“Like, Adam is just so apathetic about Ronan.” Thank you for saying that. I’ve been trying to find the right words for it since I first read the series and that hits the point exactly. Adam doesn’t seem to feel anything for Ronan other than Ronan is Gansey’s friend so they’re all in the same circle more than having actual FEELINGS for him. They’re friends. Not even super close friends. He’s helping Gansey search because it’s the right thing to do, but not because his crush might be dead in a ditch. But we’re supposed to believe that they were True Love since they met.

There’s more I could say on that, but it would spoil the later books, so I won’t.

Gansey buying more time for Ronan is a big thing in the books that most people ignore. Gansey gives up a LOT, including his morals, for Ronan. I usually say that Ronan is one of Gansey’s great weaknesses. He’ll do anything for him, sacrifice anything he has available to make sure Ronan has that time.

I really think that since Ronan’s starting to heal and Gansey even sees that when he’s presented with the dream Pig, they could evolve. I was disappointed that basically Ronan runs off to the Barns and ignores Gansey after he gets his home back. Again, another subject that I could go on about but spoilers. LOL

I think Adam has a lot to work through about all the boys. BLLB has a lot of potential for Adam that I think Maggie ignored. I’m not sure how far you are in it, so I’m not sure what scenes to discuss.

I think Adam wants someone to love him. I think he wants someone to make him believe he’s worthy of love. Ronan in many ways feels like he could be an escape. He’s a ready made family for Adam who will love him unquestioning. Ronan will give his whole heart to him (because in YA you can only love one person ever). There’s more stuff with Adam too, especially in the first chapters of Call Down the Hawk that seem to emphasize this. Also, in Opal, which is a weird story and I didn’t understand how certain characters acted in it compared to the earlier books.

Maggie says she did not mean to imply something improper happened while Ronan was unconscious. Uh huh… that pic was taken while Ronan was drugged out of his mind. That was not a good place to go if she wanted K to have redeeming qualities, which she seems to want now. Or she doesn’t want to deal with what was implied by the situation. Everything about what K did was meant to stake a claim on Ronan and to make Gansey angry. The fact that Gansey is so wounded by Ronan breaking his trust and by the whole situation is telling. Gansey doesn’t get angry like that over anything else. All the things that happen to Gansey in the books that should bother him until he can’t calm down and it’s K’s prodding and the destruction of the Pig that does it. Basically with that call, Gansey lost the two things that meant home to him: Ronan and the Pig.

That was basically the wording about the ‘breakup’ with K and Ronan. K really thought that teaching Ronan to dream would make them a couple of some sort. Ronan not wanting K or wanting that whatever with K and going back to Gansey screams relationship.

The scene with the party is so good. I just finished rereading. Ronan not caring that he’s being called Gansey’s dog and Gansey’s not flinching away from it. It’s true or they don’t need to bother protesting because they know the truth about their relationship. I love how Ronan is into that side of Gansey and not condemning it. I feel like Gansey isn’t accepted as a full person by most people in the books. Ronan sees the good and the bad, the stuff that annoys him, and still loves Gansey.

I love the series, good moment and flaws. I haven’t had a lot of people to talk to about it so I’m excited to be able to ramble with someone who has so many feelings for both Gansey and Ronan.

Who should set up the post party thread?

So I have like, half a response written, but it's been a wild few days, so I'll finish it later today. But I figured I'd at least hit you back about the RP stuff in the immediate, as I have too many feelings about these boys and these books to ever be brief.

SO I'm pretty flexible for set up tbh. Either way works for me! I have vague thoughts for something picking up when they're back at Monmouth, but both of them too wired and Gansey still all Gansey-on-Fire, so if that works for you I can totally toss something up. I know indecisive is rarely useful, but I'm honestly pretty easy about writing starters and such.

That said, Ronan is my newest muse, so if you want to put something together / have ideas, go for it!

The setup at Monmouth works for me. I'm sure that Gansey was still wired after all that. He rarely lets that side out. I forgot how good that scene was until I read it. And Ronan's going to be a mess since Gansey's going to leave. I can also see some jealousy coming out after Gansey sees Ronan and K. There's so many directions it could go.

Whatever will make it easier for you to write him. Gansey's my loudest muse atm so I can adapt pretty easily.

Yess, the scene is so great, I love it so much!

And Ronan is absolutely gonna be a bit of a mess over Gansey leaving. Implication seems to be that it's been a while since they've been apart like this, even if it is only three days. And ohh, I do like the jealousy idea, too. Since it's definitely something that's in the air in that scene, so I'm totally down to play with that.

So yeah, there's definitely a lot of potential directions to go with it. I'll toss something together tomorrow and we can see how it works out! :>

[Ronan drives them home, leaving Kavinsky and the fairgrounds in the rearview.

The drive is quiet, and the night feels soft around them, even though Ronan's heart still aches against his ribs. Longing, and things that are harder to put into words, and the quiet delight of the fire in Gansey. There's something about driving just a little too fast with him in the passenger seat, the thrill in his veins, a different sort of heat. Seeing Gansey and Kavinsky in the same space like that was a strange thing, still under his skin like an ache he couldn't define. Eventually they're pulling up in front of Monmouth, the echo of car doors as he follows Gansey to the doors of home.

This isn't the sort of night that's easy to wipe off of his skin, not even if he wanted to - which he doesn't. He drops his carkeys, but doesn't retreat to his bedroom. The other boy still feels magnetic like this, and Ronan can't turn his eyes away from the sight of it.

Not when Gansey's leaving tomorrow and it has him feeling almost gutted, all twisted up with the prospect of it. There's a desire that curls in his chest to hold onto him, even if just the thought makes him feel brazen. But he's still caught in his gravity, unable to pull away, and so he lingers here. Gansey still bright and smoldering with that heat, and it feels wonderful and dangerous.

He's always been drawn toward things that were guaranteed risks; it's basically the entire explanation for Kavinsky, really.

Ronan smiles over at Gansey, wordless. Something almost conspiratorial, devotional. Standing in the ruins of Gansey's model of Henrietta, pieces of cardboard and paint and shared sleepless nights -- it feels strangely illicit.]

And here you go! Let me know if that works for you, totally cool with tweaking a bit if needed.. it's basically my first starter with Ronan, heh. :>

[It takes every bit of Gansey's self control to stay still in the passenger seat. Mostly still. There's still subtle shifts, hands flexing against his knees, heart throbbing painfully with emotions that he rarely allows himself. They're in his blood. His bones. His thoughts. Each demanding attention while Gansey feels open and raw and ready, but for what he isn't certain.

He tries to tell himself it's from the exhilaration of the BMW's speedometer steadily sweeping past the legal limit and not watching Ronan punch Joseph. Or the feeling of the Molotov cocktail in his hand before he arched it toward the broken, burning car. It isn't the feeling he'd had as he stepped into Kavinksy's kingdom and demanded retribution for his own kingdom being invaded. No, that would be uncivilized. Even if he did feel uncivilized. Wild in a way that hadn't happened since he'd turned his search toward Virginia, since before Niall had died and Adam had become part of their group.

Even after they left the BMW behind for the quiet shadows of Monmouth, Gansey couldn't shake the restlessness. Couldn't stop himself from thinking of the glances he'd stolen while Ronan drove with confident ease that had tempted Gansey to ask if he could ride along the next time Ronan went racing. Ronan was completely in his element behind the wheel, the lights from the dashboard flicking over cheekbones and the set of his jaw and...

That is something he doesn't allow himself to dwell on. Just as he shouldn't allow himself to think about Kavinsky and the comment about Ronan being his 'dog'. It should be offensive and infuriating, but instead it just winds something inside him tight, filling him with emotions that he'd carefully boxed up for months.

It might have stayed boxed up and carefully compartmentalized with all the un-Gansey-like emotions that he's been told he should never express if Ronan hadn't smiled. But standing in the middle of Gansey's broken Henrietta, smiling at him with something that Gansey knows is somehow purely his, sends everything tumbling out of the boxes, into a messy jangle that has him almost bouncing on his toes the way he did before rowing matches. His hands flex into fists simply because he needs to move, but knows that it could be a disaster if he does.]

Does it both you? [The words spill out without his usual careful consideration.] That he calls you my dog?

The starter was wonderful. I'm sorry that it took so long for me to answer back. I think my sleep deficient finally caught up to me and I crashed over most of the weekend. I think I'm more functional now? LOL

Oh, no worries at all! Yeah, yesterday was catch up on my sleep debt day, lol. But I'm gonna hit this back in a second and I'm already so excited about it! I am with you on functional being an improvement, though.

No. It doesn't.

[He sharp blues flick to the twitch of Gansey's fists, then back to meet that way it feels almost like there's a glow in his hazel eyes. There's something uneasy about the moment, but it's a thrill, something dangerous. That way that his mouth shapes the words my dog and again, it's different on Gansey's tongue; a slight flash of teeth against Ronan's lips. That feeling of taking risks that makes his heart race. And it's all tangled up in the other boy and that makes it feel- better, somehow.

He could tack on explanations or reasons why; there's a handful of different justifications. But somehow that feels like it would just make it feel less honest. So he gives the answer to him bare, just like this.

Gansey is lovely like this, and it's hard not to focus on, to not feel trapped in his orbit, like he's drawn in easy as gravity. He doesn't remember moving, but he's a pace closer, and he can almost taste the shift in proximity. He watches with hawk-sharp attention the way he almost vibrates with the energy on the air, and Ronan's smile doesn't falter. He wants to hold onto this, onto him, for as long as he can possibly be allowed, a balm for that way he already aches for the loss of him.

He tilts his head a little as he watches Gansey, letting that silence stretch. There's that twist in his chest, a flutter of want and that's maybe the most dangerous part of all of this. Like this he's different from the Gansey that is all perfection, charm and control, where attraction was more like appreciation for a painting than something real. He doesn't feel any more attainable or less risky to touch- this is not like that moment in the Dollar Store. But there's nothing about this side of Gansey that isn't visceral, and it makes attraction burns down in veins, lurid with a feeling like he should be ashamed but isn't.]

And what about you?

[His voice is quiet and even between them, but he still feels reckless for asking when he hadn't bothered considering if he could handle having the answer. But one way or the other he has to face it now.

It doesn't bother him because it doesn't matter when it's Kavinsky saying it. Just another piece of bullshit on his mouth trying to spark a rise. It doesn't bother him because there's no part of the idea of being Gansey's dog that is an insult, or even untrue. If Gansey hadn't had his hand on the back of his neck and that edge on how he said his name that was all truth and surety, confident in all the ways that he faltered-- he would have torn himself apart with his own teeth. It doesn't bother him because it matters when it's Gansey saying it.]

[It isn’t the answer that Gansey expects. Ronan fights authority constantly. He flaunts breaking the law, adding each speeding ticket to the ever growing collection on his bedroom door. He snaps at Gansey if he tries to keep Ronan’s wilder impulses under control. He brawls with Declan whenever the elder tries to force Ronan into the expected, acceptable path. He should hate being referred to as anyone’s dog.

Even without that wildness, Ronan should hate what it implies. They both should. Blue would say it’s demeaning. Degrading. Adam would have a few carefully worded comments that would lead to another argument. Gansey knows it’s insulting. He knows he should hate it. They both should.

Except he can’t. Especially not on a night when tension winds his nerves tight. When his carefully created masks keep being stripped away by the possibilities that hum in the air. By the way Ronan keeps looking at him.

Jesus, he hadn’t had to deal with this for months. Actually, he had, but he’d always carefully contained those impulses and emotions, boxing them up and storing them away with the regrets and grief that he’d kept to himself for months. Now it’s like one of the punches he’d caught during one of the many Lynch brothers’ brawls he’d refereed. Leaving him aching and trying to catch his breath.]

Everything Joseph says bothers me.

[But he knows that isn’t what Ronan meant. This isn’t about Kavinsky, not really, at least not about his narrow minded insults. And neither is Gansey’s answer. Kavinsky bothers him. The way he can capture Ronan’s attention causes anger to simmer whenever his best friend disappears into the night. The way Ronan seems captivated - bewitched - by Kavinsky. Jealousy fuels hours of cardboard construction as he waits for Ronan to return. Each night he wonders if Ronan will return to what has to seem like a cage instead of whatever exotic endeavors Joseph promises.

He might have lied about it, about the yearning that he’d zealously quelled for months if Ronan hadn’t moved. He couldn’t stop himself from stepping forward, gaze briefly moving to teeth and lips before focusing on Ronan’s eyes, still trying to translate what was going on between them.

The barely contained energy that had snared him since their trip to the party demanded that he take another step closer. He’d never been able to resist Ronan. Not really. Not in any way that truly matters. Which is why he knows he can’t lie. Ronan will never forgive a lie, even if the turth might shatter everything between them. His breath seems to heavy in his chest, a struggle simply to turn thought to words.]

I hated him calling you a dog, but I liked the idea of you being mine.

That's why he says it.

[The way he says it is as even as he can manage, even if he feels compelled to point it out. There's adrenaline in his veins, and somehow, impossibly, standing here with Gansey feels like just as much of a high as being in his car, coming off a turn and watching the tachometer climb toward the red as he shifts the gear and feels it in his bones. This feels like an oncoming collision, but he can't step away from it, even when he can already feel the vibrations.

But that wasn't what either of them really meant, and Gansey knows it- they're talking around the edges of the things they never admit to. It makes his breath catch when Gansey takes a step in closer. Close enough that Ronan could almost touch, if he dared. It reminds him of the cars at Kavinsky's party; crashing, impact because they couldn't resist. Because sometimes it's worth it.

He doesn't quite know what he expected Gansey to say, what the real answer was behind the obvious. But this is somehow better, more raw- the way that he says mine curls deep in his chest, and Ronan doesn't step back from it. He tries to catch his breath, to breathe in the space between them, and the thrill of it curls a smile that's lopsided and indecent. It's the way that he says the words, but it's also the intention of it that hangs on the air. Wanting, and possessive and he doesn't know that he deserves it, but he can't help himself.

This is his favorite side of Gansey, but he still feels like something Ronan isn't quite allowed to have. It's just that the shape of it is different: less like he'll ruin him, cut him on his broken parts and leave smudged shapes of the monstrous parts of himself all over perfect, beautiful Gansey. And the idea that Gansey likes the thought of words like mine- makes it feel different. Less like a transgression.

So he bites his bottom lip, and lets his greedy fingertips press against the other boy's chest, tentative as a whisper. He doesn't quite know the right words, how to put the way his body hums with the want of it into something he can say outloud. He feels undone already, with his fingertips the only thing connecting them.

Maybe there aren't words for it. Blue eyes watching Gansey's hazel, and it feels like his heartbeat is in his throat, like he's wrecked.]

Gansey.

[That’s why he says it. It’s a simple observation, but one that warns him that he hasn’t been as cautious as he thinks. Joseph has seen what Gansey struggles to keep hidden. He’s seen the longing and want that’s kept carefully locked up while he provides the support that Ronan desperately needs as he grieves. Kavinsky knows his secret, prods it like a sore tooth to see which one of them will flinch away first.

It might work if they both didn’t so easily accept the roles that Kavinsky attempts to insult them with. But Joseph’s wrong. Ronan’s never been his dog. He’s more than that, the bond between them deeper than what Kavinsky can understand. Though that truth can’t seem to stop the way his heart beating with a completely inappropriate Mine. Mine. Mine..

Those words, the idea that Ronan might be his, draws him closer, the forbidden too tempting for Gansey to escape. He might have said the coveted word ‘mine’ aloud, but he isn’t certain. His pulse is too loud in his ears, drowning out everything but the sharp blue of Ronan’s eyes, the glance of teeth against Ronan’s lip, the provocative, provoking smile that Gansey never truly thought could be directed toward him.

He goes still when Ronan’s hand moves, breath hissing out in a needful sigh when fingertips alight onto his chest. The contact doesn’t seem to match Ronan nor the fire wrapped around Gansey's bones. His eyes close for a moment as he tries to memorize this strange, impossible moment. Then the illusion can be real. Ronan wanting him, wanting to be his. Something that seems surreal even as his eyes open and he sees some unknown emotion in Ronan’s gaze.

The possibilities that linger there and in the desperate sound of his name causes him to catch his fingers on the belt loops of Ronan’s jeans. Holding him close, but never binding him, never forcing him to be still. A silent request for Ronan to stay as Gansey makes a small sound at the way Ronan sounds undone by proximity and a few truthful words.]

Ronan.

[One word. A name. Simple with no implied threat, but Gansey knows how dangerous it is. Knows how easily he - they - could be hurt if he’s not careful.

Except standing so close to Ronan, feeling the warm of his fingers from the forbidden contact, he can’t quite remember why he’s supposed to keep his distance. Instead of stepping away, he smiles, bright and alluring, nervous hopes beating against his ribs.]

Would you mind being mine?

[If Ronan was honest with himself, he might be able to admit that there's something he likes about the words that Kavinsky implies about them sometimes. He knows better than to imply his own ownership of Ronan, so it's always this: always that he belongs to Gansey. And there's always been something about that which feels like comfort, safety. So he doesn't argue it, not really.

He swallows hard, something about the way that Gansey stills, his breath exhaling in a sigh as he touches him. It's too light for the heat that runs through them both, but Ronan's always been softer with how he handles Gansey than himself. He closes his eyes, and Ronan forgets to breathe, unsure if this is where the moment dies, where Gansey shoves all this fire back down inside of himself where it can't touch Ronan. If this is where he pulls away.

He watches Gansey as his eyes open, and there's a certain relief to the way that Gansey looks at him. They're hardly touching, and he still doesn't want to lose this moment. Not when he knows he's leaving in the morning, and he wants so dearly to just soak up every breath of the other boy he can get.

This is a new realization for Ronan, the way that Gansey sparks a feeling he can only name desire across his skin. He's been drowning for so much of the past two years, and grief and depression were selfish things that left him buried inside of himself. But before Niall had died there had been a magnetic sort of feeling there. It catches his breath as Gansey's fingers catch at his beltloops, but it doesn't feel restrictive- just like the other boy anchoring him right where Ronan wants to be.

The soft touch of his fingertips shifts and he curls his hand, catching the fabric of Gansey's shirt for something to hold on to. He feels undone, something in the way that he says his name and he can feel his heart race. They're too close, but he can't bring himself to care about that. Especially not when Gansey smiles at him; sunlight to go with the fire. The question is easy and difficult all at once. He knows the answer, but saying it isn't anything Ronan's ever been good with.]

Fuck Gans, I.. No, I wouldn't mind.

[He feels exposed with the words on the air, tilts his head down a little. He wants it. It feels almost more like putting words to something that's already been there in the background. Like the want that he'd almost forgotten until he'd seen Gansey all ruffled and imperfect under fluorescent lights.]

[There's dozens of reasons why he should let go of Ronan and step away. But if he'd never had the resolve to say no to Ronan, then he'd never find the willpower to let him go. Even at Ronan's worst, when the drinking and rage would have driven most sane people away, Gansey had stayed. He'd cared too much for Ronan to leave him at his worst. Why would he leave him now when so much potential lingered between them?

But he would leave, he realizes, pain razor sharp through his chest. Tomorrow he had to go to D.C. For the first time in years, he'd be away from Ronan for more than a day. The realization nearly stops his breath, his heart. It isn't permanent. He'll return after the weekend of deadly dull socials was over, but it feels like something will be irrevocably lost if Gansey stepoed away now, and then left for D.C.

The thought claws through him, fire and jealousy and want slamming his heart against his ribs, the rhythm painful, determined. His smile falters for a moment, then Ronan's answer careens through him. Something hot and possessive burns at the edges of his mind, tightens his fingers in the fabric beneath his hands. An entreaty more than a demand. The smile steadies, turnes into something nearly wicked at the word 'fuck'. It shouldn't effect him so much. Ronan swears constantly, but in this context, it seems more a possibility than an example of coarse language.

He feels something like the freedom he'd felt at Kavinsky's party. No masks. No Gansey III lies. Nothing but the two of them, the versions of themselves that no one else is allowed to see. The version that Gansey had never thought he'd be allowed to be, the one that might be able to have one of the things he'd wanted most.

Which is why he says what might be the most un-Gansey-like thing he'd ever put into words in his entire life.]

Usually, I don't do that on the first date, but I'd break that rule for you.

[Ronan might have let his thoughts linger on the fact that Gansey's leaving tomorrow, if not for the fact that they're so close and he can feel the way that his fingers tighten against him through fabric. His heart races, sure that he's crossing those lines they've both avoided for the past two years, and he doesn't think there's a way to take it back if it goes wrong. But there's something about the way that he smiles; wicked and almost possessive that burns in those hazel eyes, and God help him but Ronan wants it, craves it. It's impossible to focus on anything else except the heat and the tension and Gansey--

And then those fucking words come out of the other boy's mouth, and Ronan's breath catches. His blue eyes wide and his pupils blown, heat flushed against his cheekbones. He can't even remember how he's supposed to breathe, a shameless sort of whine in the back of his throat. In a different situation, on a different night, he would have laughed it off, maybe pointed out this is hardly their first date; all lifted eyebrows and a flash of teeth. But Ronan's ability to be that blase was entirely predicated on the assumption that Gansey didn't mean it, that this wasn't real.

Right now the words I liked the idea of you being mine still hangs too heavy on the air between them for the suggestion to feel like anything but truth.

Ronan knows he should say something, needs to say something before he takes it back. But he feels like a mess, flushed and his heart racing, like his ribcage is too small to contain the shape of this. The way that Ronan comes alive in a way he'd thought he didn't know how anymore. He smiles, but it's not a sharp thing, not bared teeth and pretending the words don't make him ache. Instead he's almost giddy, raw with his own want and the idea of Gansey's desire.

He lets his hands shift, trailing from his chest to curl his fingers against his biceps. Just to touch, to feel him under his hands as he leans into him.]

Yeah? [His brain is still sort of short-circuiting; clever responses aren't exactly his strength right now. He doesn't know how to say what he wants. He almost says something instead about how he's never done it on the first date either, and there isn't a rule he wouldn't break for Gansey. But it feels too casual, especially since the truth is that he hasn't done it at all, but he wants him with every beat of his heart.

He lets his hands slide up to the curve of Gansey's shoulders, watching him as his touch stills there. It feels risky, dangerous, and he can't stop from chasing his heart, even if it feels like stepping into dark water, not knowing how deep it goes. Something he wants without a name for it.]

If you don't want me to be your dog, tell me what I am.

[It's somehow heavier than he thought it would be, because the yours matters. Because usually tell me what I am are words that end up in his prayers. It's different, but not.]

[Even as he speaks, Gansey isn't certain of what Ronan's reaction might be. In some ways it's obvious that Ronan is attracted, but that doesn't mean that it's anything more than proximity and hormones. Ronan might react the same way to any boy that he didn't actively dislike if he was in a similar situation with that person. It doesn’t signify that Gansey is the one who had earned that desire, despite Ronan wanting to be his’.

At least not until Gansey’s avidly notices how Ronan’s eyes darken, the color that spills across pale skin that is far warmer than it should be even during a summer night in Monmouth. Even those signs might be ignored if Ronan hadn’t let out sound that Gansey’s only imagined, feeling ashamed every time he did, waiting for Ronan to somehow know when they start their mornings together.

His heart stumbles, hands trembling faintly, but the motion stilled by his grip on Ronan’s jeans as he waits for some sort of answer. It’d be easy for Ronan to step away and laugh this off. There’s a ready excuse waiting, stalking in the shadowy corners of the factory. He could claim that it was some lingering effect of Kavinsky’s party or too many sleepless nights. He could laugh and say that Gansey was being dramatic, even though they both know he’d never let his more passionate whims cross so many forbidden lines.

He can feel their confessions against their skin, pressing in way that could easily become too much and open wounds that would take weekss, if not months to truly heal. It makes his nerves feel stretched too tight, his resolve eroding away until he’s certain that he’ll have to back away, apologize, and flee to the familiar comfort of the Pig.

The smile eases the horrible dread, revealing something that Gansey hadn’t seen since he’d learned of Niall’s murder. This Ronan, the one caught lightly between his hands is a version that Gansey hasn’t seen before. A curious mixture of the Ronan of drag races and endless grieving rage and the boy who had laughed and sang at the Barns. The one who had offered Gansey a world of magic and acceptance that he hadn’t known that he needed.

Possessiveness and a wistful ache tumble together. His breath hitches, a faint shiver catching him off guard when Ronan’s hands move. This is too much like his most shameful fantasies for Gansey to keep his self control intact. He makes a noise that is hopeful and wistful as Ronan catches him, keeps him close, destroying what distance there is between them.]

Yeah.

[One simple word, sounding just as needy as Ronan’s whine. It’d be embarrassing if it weren’t for the potential binding them together. He leans into Ronan’s hands, gaze flickering to Ronan’s mouth, telling himself he can’t do more than look. Not yet. Not until he’s certain that Ronan feels the same way. That the desire that seems so obvious is meant for Gansey.]

I’m not sure what you are.

[No. That’s not true. Gansey knows. He just isn’t sure how to put it into words.]

But you were the one I yearned for, but never thought I could have.

[The words I'm not sure what you are almost make him falter for a moment, that uncertainty that for a moment he's not sure if it's rejection. But the ones that follow soothe the moment into something better. Better than the way he says yeah that sounds like it's all desire, the way that he admits he wanted him, and it unravels something in Ronan's heart.

He laughs, but it's soft sound- warm, not biting. A sound meant to draw him in, not push him away. Ronan's hands still curled against Gansey, like he's afraid that he'll pull away if he lets him go, even with those words on the air. It all feels so fragile, but he wants this, wants him.

He smiles, a little bit helpless, a slight shake of his head as he tries to articulate the way that he feels. The way that Gansey thinking he can't have him feels so impossible. He was perfect. Not in the way that most people saw him- flawless and picture-perfect, devoid of fears or insecurities, but in a way that was deeper than that, a way that meant more. Perfect in the ways that they fit together, in the way that Gansey's hands on him steadied him, that his voice leashed him when he needed it most.

But if they fuck this up, he's not sure if they get to go back. And that makes this dangerous, the sort of thing that Ronan should know enough to walk away from. But he doesn't. Especially not tonight, not after being at the substance party, at the way that Gansey still burned. This is risk and adrenaline and his pulse pounding in his veins and want, want, want.]

You can have me, if you want to.

[He says it before he can reconsider, before he can tell himself why it's a stupid idea, or why he doesn't deserve to say it. He feels like he's going to vibrate out of his skin, on edge and doesn't know how to handle the feeling of it. That way the ache, the need of it clutches in his chest. He wants Gansey, he's always wanted him in the moments where the idea of wanting was something he could parse. He lets his fingers shift a little, not pulling away but just stroking against the shape of his shoulders as he feels electric so close to Gansey.]

I want to hear you say I'm yours.

[He meets his eyes, Ronan's blues unsteady, and his pulse feels like thunder. He's greedy and he knows it, and he lets Gansey see it in his eyes. It's lust and desire, but it's focused. It's all his, if he wants it. It feels like stepping onto a ledge and not being sure if it'll collapse under his weight or not. If Gansey will catch him or not. But it's truth, raw and real. All the things he usually doesn't have the courage to say, and he doesn't know if this is courage or stupidity or just helpless magnetism.]

[That smiles leaves Gansey breathless, hope making him feel like he's incandescent. It's something he'd been so certain that was lost that he's almost helpless before it. The shake of Ronan's head doesn't distract him since he knows that it isn't a refusal. It's something else. Ronan clearing his head or driving away the shadows that had stalked them both for the past two years.

He feels too alive, too real for this to end with a refusal. Ronan wouldn't have said that he wouldn't mind being Gansey's if he would turn him down a few moments later.

Hope hooks itself into his heart, painful but wonderful. This is better than seeing the Pig for the first time. Or finding some proof that his theories about Glendower are true. This is something far more magical than ley lines and lost kings.

He smiles foolishly as Ronan's hands move, ridiculously pleased that Ronan wants to touch him in ways that weren't just meant for friendship. Then the idea of having Ronan conjures up the fantasies that he's felt so guilty for. Tugging gently on Ronan's jeans, he pulls him closer, tipping his head up as he lets out a shaky breath.]

Jesus, Ronan. I've wanted...

[His voice trails off when he realizes how helpless he sounds. How needful. He isn't ashamed of it, but it's so rare that he gets to allow himself to be himself instead of the role he plays that he doesn't know how to continue.

Swallowing hard, he knows the words will shatter if he doesn't regain some control, but Ronan's eyes are bright with desire. His words ones that Gansey's craved almost since they'd met. Gansey has always tried to be less selfish but there's one thing - no, one person - that he could never stop himself from wanting to keep for himself.]

You're mine, Ronan.

[The words sound like they've almost been ripped from him, possessive and demanding. The declaration seems to fill all the hollow spaces around them, a command from a fable pushing back the doubt and darkness. He wants to take, dragging what he wants into the open, but he waits, knowing that this has to be both their choices. If he is a king, he isn't a conqueror. Ronan has to agree before Gansey can have more.]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

open rp post;

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oh uh, some mention of Ronan's suicide attempt stuff. and boy I got wordy, jfc.

Don't worry about being wordy. I love talking about the boys' dynamic

just a short note, tldr discussion will follow later XD

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sorry for the fragment before, cat jumped on the keyboard, oops

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