open rp post;

[threesecrets]

+ Leave me a starter, an idea, whatever you like!
+ As always consider this your cw: weird kinks are possible

+ I ship pretty much whatever, though Gansey and Adam are of course favorites. m/m only

+ Hit me up on PM or Discord (thatwasdumb#0150) if you want to plot something.

Comments

[affection_for_research]

[Even as he speaks, Gansey isn't certain of what Ronan's reaction might be.  In some ways it's obvious that Ronan is attracted, but that doesn't mean that it's anything more than proximity and hormones.  Ronan might react the same way to any boy that he didn't actively dislike if he was in a similar situation with that person. It doesn’t signify that Gansey is the one who had earned that desire, despite Ronan wanting to be his’.

At least not until Gansey’s avidly notices how Ronan’s eyes darken, the color that spills across pale skin that is far warmer than it should be even during a summer night in Monmouth. Even those signs might be ignored if Ronan hadn’t let out sound that Gansey’s only imagined, feeling ashamed every time he did, waiting for Ronan to somehow know when they start their mornings together.

His heart stumbles, hands trembling faintly, but the motion stilled by his grip on Ronan’s jeans as he waits for some sort of answer. It’d be easy for Ronan to step away and laugh this off. There’s a ready excuse waiting, stalking in the shadowy corners of the factory. He could claim that it was some lingering effect of Kavinsky’s party or too many sleepless nights. He could laugh and say that Gansey was being dramatic, even though they both know he’d never let his more passionate whims cross so many forbidden lines.

He can feel their confessions against their skin, pressing in way that could easily become too much and open wounds that would take weekss, if not months to truly heal. It makes his nerves feel stretched too tight, his resolve eroding away until he’s certain that he’ll have to back away, apologize, and flee to the familiar comfort of the Pig.

The smile eases the horrible dread, revealing something that Gansey hadn’t seen since he’d learned of Niall’s murder. This Ronan, the one caught lightly between his hands is a version that Gansey hasn’t seen before. A curious mixture of the Ronan of drag races and endless grieving rage and the boy who had laughed and sang at the Barns. The one who had offered Gansey a world of magic and acceptance that he hadn’t known that he needed.

Possessiveness and a wistful ache tumble together. His breath hitches, a faint shiver catching him off guard when Ronan’s hands move. This is too much like his most shameful fantasies for Gansey to keep his self control intact. He makes a noise that is hopeful and wistful as Ronan catches him, keeps him close, destroying what distance there is between them.]

Yeah.

[One simple word, sounding just as needy as Ronan’s whine. It’d be embarrassing if it weren’t for the potential binding them together. He leans into Ronan’s hands, gaze flickering to Ronan’s mouth, telling himself he can’t do more than look. Not yet. Not until he’s certain that Ronan feels the same way. That the desire that seems so obvious is meant for Gansey.]

I’m not sure what you are.

[No. That’s not true. Gansey knows. He just isn’t sure how to put it into words.]

But you were the one I yearned for, but never thought I could have.

[threesecrets]

[The words I'm not sure what you are almost make him falter for a moment, that uncertainty that for a moment he's not sure if it's rejection. But the ones that follow soothe the moment into something better. Better than the way he says yeah that sounds like it's all desire, the way that he admits he wanted him, and it unravels something in Ronan's heart.

He laughs, but it's soft sound- warm, not biting. A sound meant to draw him in, not push him away. Ronan's hands still curled against Gansey, like he's afraid that he'll pull away if he lets him go, even with those words on the air. It all feels so fragile, but he wants this, wants him.

He smiles, a little bit helpless, a slight shake of his head as he tries to articulate the way that he feels. The way that Gansey thinking he can't have him feels so impossible. He was perfect. Not in the way that most people saw him- flawless and picture-perfect, devoid of fears or insecurities, but in a way that was deeper than that, a way that meant more. Perfect in the ways that they fit together, in the way that Gansey's hands on him steadied him, that his voice leashed him when he needed it most.

But if they fuck this up, he's not sure if they get to go back. And that makes this dangerous, the sort of thing that Ronan should know enough to walk away from. But he doesn't. Especially not tonight, not after being at the substance party, at the way that Gansey still burned. This is risk and adrenaline and his pulse pounding in his veins and want, want, want.]

You can have me, if you want to.

[He says it before he can reconsider, before he can tell himself why it's a stupid idea, or why he doesn't deserve to say it. He feels like he's going to vibrate out of his skin, on edge and doesn't know how to handle the feeling of it. That way the ache, the need of it clutches in his chest. He wants Gansey, he's always wanted him in the moments where the idea of wanting was something he could parse. He lets his fingers shift a little, not pulling away but just stroking against the shape of his shoulders as he feels electric so close to Gansey.]

I want to hear you say I'm yours.

[He meets his eyes, Ronan's blues unsteady, and his pulse feels like thunder. He's greedy and he knows it, and he lets Gansey see it in his eyes. It's lust and desire, but it's focused. It's all his, if he wants it. It feels like stepping onto a ledge and not being sure if it'll collapse under his weight or not. If Gansey will catch him or not. But it's truth, raw and real. All the things he usually doesn't have the courage to say, and he doesn't know if this is courage or stupidity or just helpless magnetism.]

[affection_for_research]

[That smiles leaves Gansey breathless, hope making him feel like he's incandescent. It's something he'd been so certain that was lost that he's almost helpless before it. The shake of Ronan's head doesn't distract him since he knows that it isn't a refusal. It's something else. Ronan clearing his head or driving away the shadows that had stalked them both for the past two years.

He feels too alive, too real for this to end with a refusal. Ronan wouldn't have said that he wouldn't mind being Gansey's if he would turn him down a few moments later.

Hope hooks itself into his heart, painful but wonderful. This is better than seeing the Pig for the first time. Or finding some proof that his theories about Glendower are true. This is something far more magical than ley lines and lost kings.

He smiles foolishly as Ronan's hands move, ridiculously pleased that Ronan wants to touch him in ways that weren't just meant for friendship. Then the idea of having Ronan conjures up the fantasies that he's felt so guilty for. Tugging gently on Ronan's jeans, he pulls him closer, tipping his head up as he lets out a shaky breath.]

Jesus, Ronan. I've wanted...

[His voice trails off when he realizes how helpless he sounds. How needful. He isn't ashamed of it, but it's so rare that he gets to allow himself to be himself instead of the role he plays that he doesn't know how to continue.

Swallowing hard, he knows the words will shatter if he doesn't regain some control, but Ronan's eyes are bright with desire. His words ones that Gansey's craved almost since they'd met. Gansey has always tried to be less selfish but there's one thing - no, one person - that he could never stop himself from wanting to keep for himself.]

You're mine, Ronan.

[The words sound like they've almost been ripped from him, possessive and demanding. The declaration seems to fill all the hollow spaces around them, a command from a fable pushing back the doubt and darkness. He wants to take, dragging what he wants into the open, but he waits, knowing that this has to be both their choices. If he is a king, he isn't a conqueror. Ronan has to agree before Gansey can have more.]